Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
