I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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