the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
