It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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