New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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