you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Two words: nipple clamps
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