I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
