he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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