i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Is Oprah even human
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
