mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize