i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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