im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So here I am, sexting at work.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize