I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
