she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
