I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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