Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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