uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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