I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
this boner is exhausting
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
