Screwed.edu
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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