I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize