And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
