Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
