I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Can I color on your dick again?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
