dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
