but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
