Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
