Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
