I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
