A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
