right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We had sex on a dog bed..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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