Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
