My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He has the fingertips of a God
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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