wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Quick, to the slutcave!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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