so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
