you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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