If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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