So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
