My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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