How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
pray to the hookup gods
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
