When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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