On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I party with great urgency now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
