At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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