is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
