Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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