Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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