Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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