We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
