You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
