Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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