well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
