Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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