if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're a waste of cheezeits
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He did a backflip because drugs
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
