It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
