what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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