Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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