He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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