i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
