He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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