I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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