So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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