So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize