with your own penis?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize