Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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