She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
