We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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