there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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