Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
God, I missed his penis.
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