this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
