I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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