Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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