We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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