I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize