the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
