my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize