when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
