how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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