no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am available for nakedness
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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